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• 1 media/Screenshot 2022-12-13 9.33.29 AM.png media/image-from-rawpixel-id-329566-jpeg.jpg 2022-11-12T23:51:59+00:00 Duty Surviving Self-Love, The Only Sure Friend of Declining Life. A Soliloquy. 19 Edited by Shari McRaith image_header 2022-12-13T15:53:33+00:00

  UNCHANGED within to see all changed without,
  Is a blank lot and hard to bear, no doubt.
  Yet why at others’ Wanings shouldst thou fret ?
  Then only might’st thou feel a just regret,
  Hadst thou withheld thy love or hid thy light
  In selfish forethought of neglect and slight.
  O wiselier1 then, from feeble yearnings freed,
  While, and on whom, thou may’st—shine on !2 nor heed
  Whether the object by reflected light
  Return thy radiance or absorb it quite :
  And though thou notest from thy safe recess
  Old Friends burn dim, like lamps in noisome3 air,
  Love them for what they are : nor love them less,
  Because to thee they are not what they were.

  1. “In a wise manner.” OED

  2. T. Ashe notes in a 1903 republication of this poem that “Shine on !” may be reference to a piece by Wordsworth that states, “To measure of the light vouchsafed, / Shine, Poet! In thy place, and be content.”

  3. “Offensive to the sense of smell; foul-smelling.” OED

  Samuel Taylor Coleridge

  The author of this poem, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772–1834), was a prolific poet during the late eighteenth and early nineteenth century. He is perhaps best known for his lyrical ballad Rime of the Ancient Mariner, which was published in a joint project with William Wordsworth, a long-time friend whom he famously had a falling out with later in life. Coleridge was born the youngest of ten children and showed promising talent even from a young age. However, he was often plagued by the sense that he was not living up to his true potential, and he spent much of his life fighting addiction.

  While this poem is rarely anthologized, it reflects a key turning point of the life of Coleridge and his understanding of love as a poet of the romantic era. Exploring, understanding, and pursuing love was a key fixation of romantic authors, and Coleridge was no exception.

  This poem was published in 1828 in the second volume of Coleridge’s Poetical Works. It was composed during the later years of Coleridge’s life when he was living in Highgate under the thoughtful care of Dr. Gilman. J. R. Barth in his book, Coleridge and the Power of Love, describes Coleridge’s period at Highgate as “golden years for friendship”—a time of reconciliation and new friendships that would last the end of his days. Also, notably, during this period, Coleridge seems to have come to fully understand and be able to receive unconditional love. Coleridge’s struggle to understand unconditional love earlier in life may have stemmed from the way he perceived the love of his family. The natural gifts Coleridge exhibited at a young age, combined with the jealousy and competitive spirit of having 9 older siblings, may have fostered the sense in Coleridge that he must be worthy of the love and attention he received. This may have led to Coleridge’s deep-seated guilt and an insecurity that he was falling drastically short of his potential.

  Coleridge’s Understanding of Love

  Coleridge believed that the highest form of love was love that came naturally and instinctually, stemming from genuine, blind sympathy. That said, Coleridge did not discount that love that stemmed from an active decision. With practice and hard work, such love could become instinctual over time. Coleridge also believed that all love, whether love toward a friend, brother, or wife, was the same in its essence and source, only manifesting slightly differently depending on the object of the love. Coleridge believed that it was love that unified all of the discrete events and ideas that pass through our lives, allowing us to relate the people in our lives. Coleridge affirmed that without love, we are incomplete; we were not designed to stand alone. Therefore, in ideal love, nothing must detract from the unity of the subject and object, yet the subject must still remain distinct from its object. If the subject identifies too strongly with the object, Coleridge argues that the love of the object merely becomes a reflection of the subject’s love for him or herself—self-love.

  The Significance of “Duty Surviving Self-Love”

  Coleridge’s poem “Duty Surviving Self-love” is a didactic sonnet, reflecting on the constancy of love through change. The title of the poem contrasts duty with self-love. Ideal love unifies two persons, but unwanted change may disrupt this unity. If love falters in the face of growing distinction between the object and subject, then the love was merely self-love. When the subject no longer sees themselves reflected back in the object, love becomes difficult. However, the subject is still able to actively decide to love the other person in accordance with their duty, as unnatural as that love may feel at first. In line 12 of the poem, Coleridge commands the reader “love them.” This is an imperative, not an observation.

  The love Coleridge demands of the reader is unconditional. They must love them regardless of whether that love is returned and regardless of how they have changed—“Love them for what they are : nor love them less, / Because to thee they are not what they were."

  Commentary & Biographical Background

  Barth, J. R. Coleridge and the Power of Love. Columbia: University of Missouri press., 1988.
  Christie, W. Samuel Taylor Coleridge: A Literary Life. New York: Palgrave Macmillian, 2007.